


i leave you in the dark, it comes as no surprise

by ofthesun



Series: beating my literary meat [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Allegory, Character Study, Claustrophobia (metaphorical), First time (Mentioned), Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 10:37:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10852242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofthesun/pseuds/ofthesun
Summary: Jared wakes up to broad daylight after he sleeps with Evan for the first time.





	i leave you in the dark, it comes as no surprise

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing this new thing called "beating my literary meat" in which I write things with the sole intent of focusing on the development, introduction, or honing of a single skill or topic in my writing, without much consideration for the rest of the fic (meaning these might be nonsensical, nonlinear, or plotless). This one is Speedy Fast™ before I go to bed. This is an allegory with some minor attempts at anastrophe. The title is from a State Champs song.
> 
> Also I don't think this counts as underage, because the characters are seniors in high school with no specified ages, so I'm just gonna roll with them being 18?

When Jared awakens, he feels the blue walls start to swallow him up. The room, one he'd only seen in the safety of late-night darkness and afternoons with curtains drawn before, is brighter now; more alive. The gray curtains are tossed aside now, blown out of the way of an open window. The aftermath of the previous night's windstorm is evident in the way everything on Evan's desk, once neatly organised with each and every trinket in its place, now lie in disarray.

There's far too much light in the room, and Jared doesn't like it one bit.

He's too scared to turn over, his skin cold as the gentle breeze tumbles in through the window and down over his bare chest. The sunlight streams into the room, as if its sole purpose was to shine a spotlight on where his jeans lie in a rumpled pile atop his shoes on the floor. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to coerce the room into returning to the state it was in the previous night. In his head, the window slams shut, the curtains draw themselves back to centre, and he watches himself amble out of the room, tenebrous and alone and **safe**.

He opens his eyes. The room is still illuminated. He hasn't moved, and neither have his jeans. He blinks again, harder this time. Nothing changes, except how he becomes increasingly more aware of where Evan's thigh lies against his own.

Jared starts to mentally thumb through his options. He doesn't have many, and all of them come with a number of repercussions, most of them involve dealing with things he really doesn't want to think or talk about; not this early, not this soon after, not with Evan lying there next to him.

He wasn't ready to even tell himself he was gay, let alone any of this.

The tightening of the blue walls, the thickening of his throat with too many repressed notions and words and thoughts, the way the terror and abhorrence is rising up from his stomach till he chokes on it-- he wasn't ready.

Jared rolls onto his stomach and squeezes his eyes shut.

He wishes the sun had never come up.


End file.
